Back-ups are losers

It's not something that I realised suddenly.I have known it all along-this implicit knowing that I try really hard to keep hidden and squashed at the back of my deceiving mind,yet it was finally uncovered and allowed to roam my thoughts-today.Many thanks to my dear brother PJ,who brought across this revelation and made me realise how stupid I was not to heed the warnings no matter how glaring they are in my face.I was just too stubborn,too blinded,too...stupid.

What the hell,mistakes only come across to you when they are committed and not when you are in the process of committing it.That really sucks.The hard way to learn?Ha,I rather not.It's so painful to learn through the hard way...but *sighs* I guess that's life ain't it?Fuck.And to make matters worse,sometimes you never realise you keep making the same mistake over and over again,because the situations present themselves masked in such different ways that your overly-optimistic(I WAS optismistic?now that's a surprise...)mind don't realise it's going to turn out all WRONG.Or is it just because the mind is just too stubborn(not determined,mind you)?

A depression so deep it finds a way into the Soul,
and travels through every pore of your Heart.
A depression so large it encompasses every bit of your Reality,
and leaves Reality a cloudy memory.
A depression so dense it compresses every will you once had,
and bows you down to accept it as it's own.
A depression so devious it takes you piece by piece,
and consumes each piece day by day.
A depression so truly disheartening,
and leaves you no other emotions.
A depression so dangerous, it slaughters, everything, inside, of you.

Why can't I just learn?It's too late now to mourn over my wrong-doings(sounds so serious...ha,it is really serious la,I guess) and the only way to cope with them is to swallow them all down,no matter how unwilling.There's no choice!Swallow your miseries and face the world with your head held high,never succumb to the condescending remarks nor attitude others present to you,show that you are strong and not be afraid.Don't let them have it their way-to see you crumble under the pressure-but instead defy conventions and be who you are,don't let them have the chance to drown in glee brought upon by your sorrows.That's the way of a fighter*smiles*

Self-training again today,8X900m,which is kinda slack compared to what I'm doing in school.So today is somewhat a rest day for me*stretches her fingers*,enough to face tomorrow's training,I hope."We're all in this together..."Come on gals,we can do it!All the way!=)
*sighs*Thinking about training makes me feel so much better...running is really the best anti-depressant...