In search

Seems like this font is much easier to read than the previous eye-popping Times font...haha sorry for only realising this after nearly 70 posts!

Lately it seems I have been doing alot of thinking. Not just any normal kind of thinking,nor those exam-type of thinking,but just a deeper form of thinking which usually has alot of reflections. I question the big issue of trust and friendship. What really defines true friends? Those who possess the idealistic virtues of loyalty and trust and love? I suppose so. But it's really heartbreaking to realise that friends you trust so much and tell everything to are actually capable of using what you have divulged against you and start forming biased perceptions. You told them because you think they won't turn against you. However,people are always biased. Fuck my luck to have trusted people who are already closer to your adversaries,so no matter how you try to convince them to believe your side of the story,which is,in fact,the truth. Too late,they have already some biased feelings against you and there is nothing you can do but grit your teeth and bear with the unfair treatments. Whatever man,fuck trust. I learnt never to open my mouth so much around those people anymore...it's just going to contribute to my downfall in the future. In front of you they may act all nice and trusting,"I promise I won't tell anything. No worries. TRUST ME." Yet who knows behind your back they blabber everything you have said. Fuck. Backstabbing is by far one of the worst things one can do to another,especially after the planting of so much trust. But...*sighs* life shouldn't be wasted on dwelling over such things,it's simply not worth it. There are many things to be happy about! Like what I have been constantly urging Megan(though I myself felt like shit many a-times...ah,I'm just so superficial!),we must stay strong and opptimistic throughout no matter how bad things have become,because,if we were to look at what we can gain from the downfall,it's really not that bad after all. It's all in the mind man.

Emo emo emo...it's going out of control! Unknowing tearing on long,lonely bus rides home,frequent heart wrenches throughout the day,sudden loss in interest in things,snappy attitude towards parents...*sighs* Mood swings? Nah,it's just an excuse to say mood swings are the main cause. I just don't like facing up to the real situation and accepting it,ah,but there's really no choice! *shakes her head*

Went to NJC's Cest La Vie yesterday after training. Expected it to be a super huge event,but was very disappointed at the dismal turnout and the general lack of enthusiasm and cheery atmosphere. I mean,it's supposed to be an end-of-year concert! Come on,there ought to be more life and fun! And ironically,Cest La Vie means something along the lines of "That's life!" Hmm... But I'm just glad that I got to catch up with my giant friend Long Hao and of course my wonderful,lovable squashers. I love you guys!!! Felt really nostalgic seeing them again,though it's not the whole team...only Joanne,Ben and Chris. but it's still better than nothing. Aww really missed you guys! And the bittersweet feeling of walking under the staircase through the dusty,secret passageway leading to the oh-so-familiar squash courts where I practically spent my entire 3 months of NJ existence,just hanging out with great squashers,sleeping,training,and of course,playing squash. And when I held the racquet for the first time since March,to play with Chris,I just felt like crying again. Somehow I just wonder what will I turn out to be like if I had stayed at NJ instead of moving to VJ. Squash,not cross-country. No hockey. Grey uniform. Haha,I really can't imagine. Anyway,I played a damn cool game with Chris(even though I got thrashed badly,but hey,I haven't played in ages okay?) and the feeling of swinging that racquet against the little black ball and sprinting wildly around the court(I played in my uniform by the way...ugh!) and nearly crashing into each other...it just rekindled my love for squash and made me realise how much I missed playing it. Aww...*wipes tears* I may even consider joining squash! But,that would mean 3 CCAs,and all sports...Lots of coping to do! *starts her train of thoughts again*