I guess time really helps to ease the pain!I'm feeling much better over THAT incident now and am trying really hard to focus on other stuff instead of just letting it run my life.I gotta learn to run MY life MY way man!(round of applause?lol so bhp man)

Today's long run rocks man-16k,the longest I have ever ran at one go,but it was damn relaxing and thanks alot to Sarah and Megan for their great company,though I wish there could be more people with us like Liying(hope her flu is better) and Siew Min(rest well and all the best for your hockey game!) and also the new gals.The weather really rocks,it was cooling and refreshing at the same time and made the run all the more enjoyable*sighs* there defintely is more to life than just THAT right?*nods*

Ugh!I don't feel like studying for the econs test next week!And there is still project work to be done,all the dumb EOMs and GPPs!*rolls her eyes and sighs*It's hard to start studying once the zest is lost,and for me,I lost it the day I closed the last paper of my O level...Sigh,but I guess I really have to force myself to mug mug mug.*yawns*

Recuperation

I don't know what to term today as-good or bad or in between(if there is such thing)?The problem is,after yesterday's shocking blow,I still seem to be recuperating and man,I need a hell lot of time for that hell-sucking feeling to completely subside.Were there any reedemptions today?Seems like it,but I'm going to tell myself not to fall into that "great expectations" trap and end up feeling worse than hell-suck.I might as well be as pessimistic as possible and connotate everything in my life with thoughts so negative I can make all cynical old goots envious.
I should really stop all these unprofitable ramblings and carry on with my life.It's not just about that,there are so many other things to live up to and to fulfill,and I must say,I realise I have wasted a hell load of my time.It's really the moment to pull myself together and focus hard on important things at hand.
Quite slack today,thank goodness there wasn't any Chinese lesson*big sigh* and Literature was pretty mind-soothing with all the artsy background on the Renaissance.I'm especially amazes by the melting clock artpiece,it's super IMBA!Wonder how those guys drew them back then,with only their brilliant imaginations and bristle paintbrushes to work with*winces*
Big apology to Faith for getting her into slight trouble with Mr Tan!I shouldn't have asked her to follow me up to the bikes in her uniform,and Qian has already warned us beforehand!Oh stupid stubborn me,feeling damn guilty and bad now...
Had a great time hanging out with my class today,they rock beyond words and provided me much needed comfort and laughter from the darkness experienced yesterday.Good game,Sean and Qian,at the igloo,but Sean gotta train harder and stop getting ambushed by Otto-san!LOL it was amazing!And thanks for spending time, Xiang and Qian, playing pool(I called it snooker,it's the same thing yea?).Qian was super IMBA,and damn pro!I must get her to teach me someday man!
Thank goodness for friends,I don't know how bad it would have been otherwise.Life seems to get brighter,just a faint glimmer of hope,but it is woth clinging on and believing I can see the light at its brightest someday...
Training tomorrow,X-country rocks!

Under the Devil's curse

I can almost feel my soul dying and rotting within the eternal depths of hell...today is probably the worst day of my life.Yes,it may sound as a fucking exaggeration of some teenage angst thing that "will pass" in a moment,but to me it is now the biggest deal.I feel like dying!I'm sure the devil cursed me and my already rotten life.Sounds cliche,but man,that's really what I'm going through now.

What the hell,the biggest blow came from the two instances when the worst imaginable scenario occured...Ignore me!Not once but twice,and it was the excruiciating moment of hope and wishful eagerness that was dashed so horribly by nothing more than a glance and a turn-away.Ignore me again!The painful shatter of naive,impossible hope still reverberates within my inner soul,the most searing pain coming from the exact instance when all connections broke away,leaving me to wallow in increasingly unbearable hurt and gnawing numbing pain.

Yet no one knows the extent of psychological damage that has done to me.Just two simple actions to ruin an entire life.And it was even more difficult to maintain a smiling composure to the rest of the world to avoid being seen as CRAZY(which I am,I know).I just have to force myself to be happy in front of others.I'm glad there are great friends around who offer soothing comfort,but those are only fleeting and can never last.Soon they start filtering off,until when I am alas alone again in this darkening world where no sense of light ever dwells.Alone alone alone.This is a cruel life.

Could I be taking this too far?Is this but an exaggeration of something rather mundane and "no-big-deal"?I don't know,but it obviously is the greatest blow to be dealt with yet.Can anything be worse than this?I guess so,but I seriously hope not.What should I do now?I feel so suicidal!*glances at the railings*Maybe I should just channel my source of unhappiness to something else,like running(God bless running,it never forsakes me) but then again,it will not last.The darkness is always lurking in the depths of my sunken heart,waiting for that one single opportunity to sneak in furtively and eat up my soul,draining me of whatever life I can supposedly live.

Fucking hell,I have got to change myself.I'm going overboard and I don't know what long-term damages this kind of stinking mindset can do to me.Already I'm seeing the repercussions it can cause to me,and HELL!I don't like it one bit.Fine,I will have to undergo that process of change,and I guess I have no choice but to accept it,but one thing for sure-I hold a very huge disdain against that basket(to put it nicely)and I don't want to have anything to do with jerks anymore.Face it,gal,they suck,but you suck more than them*sighs*

I'm baaack!

Hmm...seems like I'm finally back to blogging after a month-long siesta*zzzz* and man what a weird time to start blogging again!Any inspirations?Definitely...you know who and why and what and how and bla bla bla...

Life in VJ is damn fun,as compared to the the previous JC I was in(not that I hated it there,but life here is generally more fun?),especially with all the trainings for cross country and track!Whoo!Running rocks my life and invigorates me to no end...even better than what some say,sex(not that I have tried it before,but oh well...).And of course the OTHER factor that really impacts me greatly...argh!It(or rather,they) can either bring me to cloud 9 or dump me in the lowest stage of hell*shudders* and leads me to the distinct dichotomy of "good day" and as Daniel Powter croons,"had a BAD DAY..."

Ah,but all these "funness" come with a price-I'm so lagging in my studies I don't seem to know myself anymore!Whatever happened to the always motivated and super-mugger me who cared about nothing but burying my overloaded brain into towering mountains of books?Whatever happened to the 5-hour study days?It's so scary what the OTHER factor is doing to me-wasting time just stoning and people-watching and hoping futilely for things that usually don't happen(BAD DAYS).*sighs* guess I really have to pull up my socks when the time comes,but do I have the mindset to do that?*bites her lip*

Enough about the epiphany of my idiosyncrasies...Today was on the whole a bad day,with only a few good stuff littered here and there(but it's not much enough to make it a good day).Had a damn "shuang" PE where I ran(you guessed it) and then I had plenty of time to bike,very grateful for Dehvy's warm presence and company and of course Faith's constant time spent with me later on!Thank you gals,big hugz!And that was when...oh man the good thing I mentioned happened.It was there and it seems like it and the chance was just screaming and screaming but of course I missed it(life's like that yeah?)and had to feel completely crushed after that.Ughx.I hate feeling depressed(well,who does?)Damn,I should have done something,but I don't want to appaer too freaky and too despo(you know waht I mean...it's just not right).The rest of the day was dull dull dull with farking econs lecture and a sleepy geog tutorial...It's scary how much my attitude towards lessons have changed!Eeeks!I'm so freaked out by myself.Guess I'm just this super-emo,super depressed gal with dreams too big for her to handle and a self-confidence so low it makes a snake's armpit jealous(wait a minute...is it me or does this sound a LITTLE bit random?lol)

Guess I have to take my anti-depressants now,in the form of a long long run*smiles* to banish all those worrying demons consuming my soul and my once-cheerful deposition...I have to stay happy or I may die from sadness!Come on gal,present your biggest smile and try to stay happy!Life can be beautiful!(yeah right,so much for trying to sound optimistic...*sighs*)