Broken dreams

What do you do when the world crashes around you-just from hearing the bad news you have sort of expected but still dreaded to hear? Nothing. You just have to stick it out and move on with life. Killing yourself would be too stupid a thing,because,hey,life is worth more than just that,and it's not worth it somehow. No way. Moping around and suffering from major emo drawbacks would be the most viable option I guess. Sit around with a huge moon face and think think think,sometimes consuming yourself and others around you in those killing thoughts of yours,or just being listless and spaced out in every daily activity,again with your mind and heart working overtime to cope with the major emotional bomb. Ah,such things do happen to everyone at some point of their life,no matter how super-uber happy they may appear. So,it's not just you.

Today's the first day I started running since that bad,embarrassing fall of mine,and man,it felt good. Hours after hours spent on the dull elliptical machine has nearly made me as gray as itself,and being able to run outdoors in the cooling breeze is really a fresh awakening.

The wound's starting to itch,oh-so-unbearably,and I long to scratch scratch scratch it all off. Ah,but that would have been disastrous and I probably would have to spend another week limping around on my blood-leaking leg,and stay off from hockey practices,which I so badly need now,before the game on the 5th. Some of the scabs have peeled themselves off though,and I can see the raw pink skin underneath,cute! They look so innocent and fresh,totally uncorrupted by and unexposed to the dirt of the outside world,awww...But the urge to peel scabs is so great! The feeling is damn shuang,and I already got a queue of people wanting to help me do it: Sarah,Li Yin,my brother...Sorry people,the honours goes to myself,for enduring the pain of the injuries!

The pain that you feel,
but can't touch.
A pain you know of,
but can't explain.
A pain so fierce,
you go insane.
The unknown pain
that clutches your heart
and burns in your soul.
The pain in your life,
too strong to carry on.
The unknown pain
that clouds your mind
and devours your every thought.
The pain of broken promises and broken dreams,
is a pain that's unheard of
and a pain that's not seen.

How does he know???

Beware of Tan Yew Hwee...He who possess the eyes of a hawk and ears of a dog(hey! it rhymes...!). Walk around anywhere in school and his eyes are bound to be steely fixed on you,casting an ominous sense of dread and terror in any unfortunate case you happen to do something he feels is wrong. You cannot see him,but he is watching you closely,ready to pounce on you once something goes just a little bit awry.

He actually caught Megan and I "jay-walking" on the road just outside VJ,but hey,we had no choice! The road to the zebra crossing was bloody under construction,and we had no normal road to walk on except across,so we jsut did what every normal human being would do-cross the road! And there wasn't any cars around,I can vouch for that,yet later during training he came to us and grabbed each of our ear in his hands and chided us for crossing the road carelessly. How the hell did he know? He can't be driving...I swear there wasn't any cars around! Walking to school maybe? Hmm...an enigma indeed.

And today he caught me limping to school,though it seemed pretty deserted at the time when I came. I was nearly late for my freaking mock Chinese test,so I was forced to quicken my pace,and when I speed up my poor leg tends to complain,so it became a sort-of half limp. But how did he see? From PE dept? His eyes must have been damn sharp man! *sigh* He remains a mystery in VJ yet to be solved...

Hello leg...!

It's weird to have people greeting my leg before greeting me. It's almost as though it's a natural response to glance at my leg,before finally looking up and going,"Oh hi Michelle!" And for random people in school or on the streets,one glance is not enough,two or more can then whet their appetite of seeing pus-filled,blood-caked wounds. There are those who don't just glance,they STARE. It's like their eyes are pinned unmovingly on my leg,unflinching,unless they sense me staring back at them with a,"Yes? You got a problem with that?" look,or when I simply pass beyond their line of vision. *shakes her head*

Many thanks though,to those who showered their endless concern-Faith,who stops me from walking around too much,Xiang,who constantly wishes me,"Take care" in a very sad tone,and Siew for her warm messages. I will be fine guys,not to worry,and soon will be up and running crazily around again! :)

I have depression-I admit,
Admit that I have been depressed,
Thinking how much I wish I could be happy,
Thinking how much I want in life,
Thinking how much you can miss someone you love...
When I look back,
I can see how much this depression has been there in my life.
I need it to be fake,
I need it not to be true,
Yet again its true that I'm depressed,
and it makes me sad on the inside and the outside.
My depression has caused me to see how sad I can be,
How it makes me feel,
How it makes me think of cutting and suicide.
But,we are all humans,
And we have all have something to overcome.
I will overcome this depression once and for all,
I will fight back somehow!
This depression I will get rid of someday,
But for now,I have to deal with it.

My leg...oh my leg...!

Okay,I can conclude I'm one of the most clumsy and accident-prone people on Earth. No kidding. I MUST sustain a major injury at least once every few months,and each time,it's a torture to both body,soul,and the people around me *grins*

This time,though,it sounds really really dumb. I fell into a drain. I'm serious. I happened to be walking along this really dark road lined with uncovered drains that reach right up to my knees,and under the dim glow of a distant street light,the chasm looked like a patch of dark green grass. Ah,so without really looking carefully,I just planted my left leg on top of the "grass",and hey presto! Three sets of scabs that looked as though some damn fierce alley cats got seriously pissed at me for tresspassing their territory or something. Damn. How fucking embarrassing. It was funny at first,knowing I FELL INTO A DRAIN,but when the pain started setting in,it was no longer funny. It was this slow,stinging pain that seared right from the scraped skin all the way to the raw,bloody interior. Yeah,OUCH. I then started sniffing,which turned to full-blown tears cascading uncontrollably. I immediately thought of calling my brother,who is most probably still out now with a car,but ring ring ring and no answer. Okay,so I had to limp to the bus stop,and once under the lights,I got to see how fucking disgusting the injuries were. Bloody,mixed with unknown whitish body fluids that just kept dripping and streaming...ewww! And the pain,oh the pain,it was just unbearable man!

I was like,really biting my lip when I finally got on the bus and all the while there was this insupressable urge to burst out screaming from the pain. Somehow,I managed to hold it all in until I reach home and got my mum to attend to it,and boy,did the screams come! Look at how bloody the wounds were! *shudders*

Many thanks to everyone for your concern,after seeing my big mummified leg...Ahhh,though the most common reaction was,"Which guy were you looking at?" Haha,ironically,I wasn't looking at anything,that's why I couldn't see the drain!

My mum just removed the gauze and bandage a few minutes ago...and fuck it!!! It hurts like the dickens...as in really really hurts! She had to be slow in removing the stubborn gauze that stuck like glue due to the dried blood and pus and whatever disgusting liquids...UGH! And hey,looks what under all that crap...no wonder it hurts so bad. It still hurts now though,after she put this thick whitish antiseptic cream that looked sickeningly like mayonaise. Hmm...mayonaise and sardines in tomato sauce? Not bad an analogy...