Yes,it's been ages since I last put up a post...blame it on my hyper-busy schedule of juggling double CCAs,especially the U-21 hockey matches that fall squarely on both weekends and played at Delta,which is almost at the other end of the world for me,and a heavy Year 2 curriculum,with loads of ctaching up to do on Econs(yes,especially Econs,in which the tutor is hardly helping...hint hint).
Apologies for having such a bad start full of complains. No,they aren't really complains,but more of lamentations...or wait,no,more of explanations of what caused my accumulation of blog-rust.
Updates on what my life has been for the past two weeks. Been trying real hard constantly to do some soul-winning and also growing my faith in God. The testimonies and sermons I heard from friends,fellow sisters and brothers-in-christ and pastors have really touched me and made me determined to change,to become more like our Father Himself. And that starts with having love for everyone around me,despite what they have done. And no,it's not the kind of love I've mistaken so much in the past,but the all-consuming kind of love that God has for all of us. That also comes with forgiveness and constant prayers for them. Praise the Lord!
One prevalent problem is my worringly decline in passion for running,or in particular,corss-country. Wherever was the burning desire to run and give it all I've got? Whatever happened to the tough girl who used to be so glad to train,and wouldn't mind doing extra on top of the killer trainings? Whoever can imagine the drastic loss of feel-good endorphins after every run? I realised something was seriously wrong when I started to dread trainings,and would think of any possible way to bail myself out. Even the idea of faking an injury crossed my mind one morning when I woke up totally drained from a late-night hockey training the night before. Call it burn-out,muscle-tear,lack of sleep,time of the month,"bad days"...I don't know,but it feels like a combination of all of the above,plus the most worrying lost of passion. Trainings which I used to be able to take,and which used to make me so happy now leaves me in a crying,messed-up heap,too pessimistic and unwilling to push myself any further. I would give up very early half-way during trainings and allow all the "I can't do it" thoughts push themselves into my alredy drained mind. And to add on to the injury:the sight of Year 1 girls striding easily past me,effortlessly like the wind,leaving me all the way at the back,a puffing,panting,dying block. It's really time to buck up and stop all this attitude. The season's coming...
And hockey? My position is now jeopardised. No bad feelings towards her,just the general sense of disappointment and of course the "oh-shit",dready feeling of not being able to play for the school. Ha. Seems like that is happening already,with U-21 matches being played half-half. What's about training so hard and going through all that bone-grinding guys' training for two NIGHTS(yes,all the way till 10pm)a week,and compromising on my priorities-studies,sleep and first CCA? I'm still such a noobie,a L-O-S-E-...ah forget it.
I pray that God will fill me with enough strength,courage and faith in Him to carry on living each pressurising day,and be able to cope with each and every problem that comes in my way. Hey,after all,it's His test for me,and I will do anything to glorify His Kingdom. Anything. If it means going through these emotional turmoil,because ultimately,didn't He suffer much more for all of us?
